I struggled in a new country making friends and also meeting people who understood what I was going through. I started following The Mothership and messaged them within two months to ask about their Sleep Support Packages – at first I didn’t agree with this as it sounded like I had to train my child and most Sleep Trainers had advised me to do ‘Cry it Out’ which I was not comfortable with, but after asking a billion questions I finally booked a Sleep Support Package with Alexandra! I spoke with Alexandra and she took everything in to consideration; what I was comfortable with, what my husband was comfortable with and also my son’s health.

Alexandra really worked with me and talked me through each step, she also wrote out the plan for me so I can refer back to it on days where I am struggling to keep the new routine and even after the package she still helps me.

The Sleep Support Package really does what is says and SUPPORTS you each step of the way. Investing in the SSP was the best thing I could of done, my son has less tantrums as he is sleeping better and I am a lot better to be around now that I sleep at least 7 hours a night (sorry to rub that in).

Thank you Alexandra and The Mothership! xxx

A message from Alexandra, CEO of The Mothership:

The Mothership offers a Sleep Service personalized for you. If you are wondering if you will ever get a good night sleep again or that your little one will sleep calmly at night or in the day then the Mothership can help. Regardless of your parenting style we will find an approach, which you are comfortable with and that is right for your baby. Having a gentle hand to guide, encourage and reassure you can make all the difference in achieving your goals. We believe it is important to have a service, which holds your hand when you need it, and lets you grow in your own confidence and ability at other times.

As well as our detailed consultations we offer you a months unlimited phone and email support to make sure we can achieve your goals. We will help you to find realistic goals, which are appropriate for your little ones age, development and temperament and review your whole 24 hour routine and not just the sleep times. We can advise on reflux, tongue-tie, baby sleep care and toddler and Pre-School challenges. Contact us to discuss your own needs and see if you feel we are the right people to support you and your family at this time.

For more information please visit our Mothership Facebook Page www.facebook.com/TheMothership.expert/

Or visit our website www.TheMothership.expert

Please feel free to contact us with any questions in regards to pregnancy of parenthood, we are here to Learn – Develop – Grow as a expat community!

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ALEXANDRA ELEFTHERIOU
CEO, OWNER, MATERNITY NURSE, SLEEP SUPPORT CONSULTANT & INTERNATIONAL NANNY

Alexandra Eleftheriou founded The Mothership whilst working in the Middle East as a Maternity Nurse, after identifying the need to support expat parents and parents with no family network close by. Alexandra believes in attachment parenting values, positive parenting principles and other parenting styles that nurture the parent-child bond, whilst guiding clients to respectful solutions to their sleep issues.

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Having traveled lots in my 30s, to the extent that I was away more than home, the thought of relocating a family of 4 to the USA didn’t seem too large a step to take.  However, unlike most expats, my husband is just on secondment from his UK office and relocating for us doesn’t include the contents of our house…We came with only 9 suitcases of our UK life, but guess what?  We are not really missing any of our possessions, which leads me to believe my children need far less toys etc. than they think (although my daughters’ soft toy collection is growing faster than I can keep up with!).

Living in the USA however, brings whole new challenges.

In our first few weeks there were many challenges, our very first being driving an automatic car and learning not to keep reaching for non-existent gears. Then there were the moments of reaching for non-existant gears and remembering which side of the car to get into.

At the same time as speaking the same language, it is also a whole different language. I’ve found myself trying to describe the oddest things to shop assistants who have no clue what I want!  The school shopping list for provisions was a challenge, I literally followed other mums around to see what they were buying!  And blue tac, which I needed for home… how would you describe that without using a brand name?  Here it is simply called removable mounting putty, obvious really, but not when you know it as Blue Tac! Never mind asking where the toilet was in a store, the poor shop assistant had no clue what I wanted.  I politely ask for the nearest restroom these days.

My first supermarket shop took forever too, I literally stopped in each isle and just stared at all the new brands, none of which meant anything to me.  As recently as yesterday I wanted a joint of beef to roast, I had to tell the butcher how I planned to cook it in order for him to recommend a piece of beef to me.

My children have had to adjust to some new challenges too. Measurements are a cause of confusion, my children are now better than me at using inches, feet and yards and I have re adjusted to ordering food by the oz and lb too.

I asked Justin, my husband what he found most difficult to adapt to and he made some good observations..…. Restroom doors have huge gaps underneath and at the sides, anyone can, if they choose, snoop on your more private moments! But more seriously, he is somewhat confused that here in NC he can’t take our children into a liquor store to buy spirits, however, he can take them to Walmart and buy a gun!!! Now where is the sense in that?

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Jo Wise is a British mum of two and a professional photographer www.jowise.com

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Over here my daughters aged 11 and 14 feel even more ‘ english ‘ with the other students asking them to say things in their ‘english’ accents and asking them questions like –  had they met the Queen, did everyone in the UK drink tea and do they speak English in England?

My youngest went from a small Primary school in Brighton where she was in her final year and stayed in the same classroom mostly filled with other children she had know for years all day long, and with the same two teachers. Here she has entered into what is called ‘Middle School’,  she may even be the youngest in the whole school of 600.

The day starts with a kind voice coming out of the  loud speakers a bit like the voice in the end of school scene in the film Grease, she , or sometimes a cute sounding student, pledges the allegiance to the United States flag as all the students stand silently with one hand on the heart area. For the first few days the main problem was finding the right class room for each and every lesson, and to remember the huge bag with a ton of books each morning. She has now become used to the ” schedule ” and “periods” !

Some of the students are larger than me and one person in my daughters class has a beard and it s not on the teacher !

Another difference is that while in Brighton the parents stood in the playground waiting for their little darlings to pour out of the  Victorian school building, there is always a chance you may make a loose connection with a parent of one of your child’s mates or indeed make a friend yourself. Here I don’t even see the parents behind the tinted windows in the car park.

Friendships take a while to develop when you are plonked in the middle of term when everyone has already claimed their space, and especially if there are no socials to attend. So I do believe we will come home having not met any other families from school. If we were to be here for longer I ‘m sure that would change. One person recommended I join a church if I wanted to make friends.

As I glance around a book shop I wonder if my children should adapt their spelling while they are here for words such as the word colour?

We had a ‘parents conference’ for my daughter and it really was! –  ALL her teachers sat around a table with us and gave their report!  We were welcomed with open arms and big smiles, full of enthusiasm and care for our daughter, this was a welcome all American experience.

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Moose Azim, photographer and British mum of two www.mooseazim.com

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In terms of day to day life there are, obviously, positives and negatives.
Some of the most positive things are:

• We always wanted to raise our children outside of the UK.
• We wanted a life where they could spend a lot of time outside.  I used to say that I wanted ‘a little Mowgli’.

That’s just what we have got with Arthur here in Seychelles.  Our little guy has a nice open garden space, some of the best beaches in the world and a world heritage site rainforest all at his fingertips.

Arthur can run around in just a nappy most of the day.  When he was a baby we’d put on a little bodysuit if we were going out and now it’s just little shorts and tshirt at most!  Nice and easy!!

He’s outside A LOT….something I always wanted for my kids!  It’s amazing how a blast of fresh air can “cure” a grumpy kid (and a grumpy mama!). The view here certainly helps too!

I’ve never felt judged for any of my parenting decisions.  I’m not saying everyone does back in the UK but I’ve heard a lot of people get upset with how health visitors have made them feel, people in their baby classes, friends etc.  Since we don’t really have any of those things we are left to it ourselves to do things our way the way we think is best!

The expat community have been amazingly supportive to us!  It can be difficult to get things you need for a baby, especially the bigger items, we were so lucky with all the help we received!

Some of the harder things about life here day to day with a little one include:

• Being away from family and friends.  Okay that’s an obvious one but you do miss/crave that support when you’ve got kids.  This would be the same anywhere you are expatriated to of course.  In fact it can feel just the same living in the UK if you don’t have family living close by!
• Of course the weather here is wonderful, but it is very hot, a baby with a heat rash is NO fun!!  Luckily we have air con now which is a life saver for day time naps.  Also I often need avoid being out at mid day because it’s just too hot.
• It can be difficult to get hold of things you want.  I’m not saying you won’t be able to get nappies, but you have to be flexible. Sometimes you can’t get the brand you want for a few weeks, months even.

Some of the bigger issues that we considered for bringing up our Brit in the Seychelles:

• We were worried about Mosquitos when he was very small.  We are lucky here that there is no malaria or anything like that but even so it’s always good avoid mosquito bites when we can.  Our house has Mosquito nets at the windows and this makes it so our house is pretty much Mosquito (in fact all bugs) free.  Even when we are out and about, Arthur does not seem to be effected by them.  He’s had a couple of bites but they have not itched him at all. For myself and Mark we have also found that after a short amount of time living here we were effected a lot less by Mosquitos.
• Education is obviously an important factor wherever in the world you live with your children.  In the Seychelles there are government school’s but there is also a private school on both Mahe (the main island) and on Praslin (the second largest, where we live) which follows the British education system.  Mark works at the school on Praslin, this is the school Arthur will attend.  It starts from nursery age at 3 years old and now goes all the way through to sixth form.
• The health care system is more solid then we imagined it would be.  We had a rather unfortunate trip to the hospital with Arthur when he fell off the bed and we were very happy with the care that he received.  We also were more than happy with the treatment I received when I had Arthur and wouldn’t think twice about staying here if we have more children! We do pay for our healthcare here but it is really reasonable, nothing like the cost of American health care.  Prescriptions are less than the UK too.

Over all we couldn’t be happier with raising our little guy here. We are certainly not planning on going anywhere soon!!!

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Originally from the UK, Chantelle has been living in the Seychelles since August 2012 with her husband Mark and their son Arthur who arrived June 2013.

Follow Seychelles Mama on Twitter @Chantellevr

Join in Chantelle’s blog link up My Expat Family

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In July this year I took my children camping in the Yorkshire Dales. As I sat gazing at the campfire with a gorgeous sunset adding touches of pink to the sky, I mulled over my work situation. I was at a crossroads. Like many expats, I had been forced down the self-employment route due to having no family support in the country to help with the kids. For the last decade I had spent three years being a freelance PR and marketing person, five years running my own PR company which I sold, a year writing a novel and a year trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do next.

As I sat at my campfire, I clutched my phone, waiting to hear whether I had got a very senior communications job. This was a proper grown up job being employed by someone else for the first time in years. Part of me really wanted it, but part of me was terrified at the prospect of juggling a full-time role with kids. So I mulled further. I needed a back-up plan in case I didn’t get the job.

The flickering flames got me thinking about campfires. They provide warmth, comfort, a sense of excitement and adventure. But best of all, they’re the perfect place to sit and have a friendly chat, to share stories and find out about others.

I took that feeling and thought – how can I make this a business?

Then it hit me. The thing that I loved to do was tell stories. I can spot a good newsworthy story from a mile off. I can see what makes a business different when the business owner can’t. I can convincingly write copy that tells that story. I can help people tell their own stories by teaching them how to do PR. And as someone who has run a small business for years, I know that other solopreneurs like me occasionally need the support, advice and creativity of an expert so that they feel less alone. I imagined sitting around a campfire with these small business owners having a friendly chat.

That was it. I had the spark of an idea.

I left the campsite buzzing. I began to flesh it out in between spending time with my children over the summer holidays. At last I heard back from the company about the job. I hadn’t got it. I was relieved. Because I had my business idea and the more I thought about it, the hotter it burned.

Over the rest of the summer, I fleshed out the business content. I wrote web copy, I created product packages. Once the kids went back to school, I ramped up my efforts. I hired a web designer, I created an entire online PR course. I began to build up a social media following by being helpful to potential clients. I went to networking events, despite having no business cards or a website to share. I even did presentations on what PR is to help build my authority.

Finally, on 7 October, almost exactly three months after I sat next to a campfire, I launched Campfire Communications. I am already taking on clients and I feel alive for the first time in a long time. I have the best of both worlds – the freedom to work for myself, coupled with a sense of purpose.

To any expats who want to set up their own business but don’t know what to do, here are eight tips to get started:

1. Figure out what you know. What are you an expert in? It could be ‘being an expat!’
2. Figure out what you love to do. What do you find yourself doing often because you enjoy it?
3. Marry those two ideas up.
   
4. Figure out who would need this and what problem they face that you could help them solve.
5. Start to create it.
6. Get active on the social media of your choice. There are plenty of online networking groups where you can chat to others to refine your offering while building awareness of your skills.
7. Pay for help where you need it – whether it’s getting a website done, copy written or coaching to get you going. There is plenty of help out there. You don’t have to do it all yourself.
8. Be brave. Don’t wait for it to be perfect. Just get started. You can refine as you go.

For any expats already running their own business or just starting up, I offer a range of cost-effective packages to help get your business noticed including an online PR course so that you can learn to do their own effective PR without paying the hefty fees often charged by PR agencies; message and USP development; copywriting bundles; and hourly ad hoc help, for when you need to speak to a marketing expert without the commitment of an ongoing retainer.

I also have a very active Facebook page where I share tips and advice. So do pull up a seat at my campfire and join in the chat.

For more information on Campfire Communications go to www.campfirecommunications.co.uk.

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This guest post is by Melissa Talago, expat and founder of Campfire Communications.

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And making friends.  Aahhh.  It was so tough. At first it was tough to connect. Husband suggested I try making some American friends. I signed up to an American expat group on MeetUp.com. I made some friends, they were nice. But they were always complaining about living in London/England. So I eventually stopped hanging out with them and made more of an effort with British people.

But so much has changed in the past 12 years. Many supermarkets have an American shelf/section. I can buy Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, Thanksgiving-related products and even Jell-O. There are even online shops that offer a wide array of American groceries.

Two years ago I moved to an area that borders Southwest London and Surrey. I have met several American and Canadian mums from my daughter’s school. There are two other Americans living on my road. Crazy. But nice. Although I love my British friends, it is so fun chatting with people who have grown up watching the same shows and reading the same books and who use phrases and terms that are not unfamiliar to me.

Becoming a mum in the UK has brought many changes. But then again, becoming a mother is a dramatic change, no matter where you live. Both of my children were born in London, through the NHS. I did not pay for any maternity or hospital services. In the UK, you even have health visitors and midwives who come to your home and check on you and your baby after the birth. My maternity leave with each child was one year, though only the first 9-10 months were paid. During pregnancy and in the first year of your child’s life in the UK, you receive free prescription medicine and all of your dental visits and treatments are free.

My daughter, Moozles, has just turned six and my son, Dubz, is two years old. The biggest change I have had to get used to is the schooling. Moozles started full-time schooling (8.50am-3pm) when she was four and a half. She is now in school until 3.15pm, five days a week. In the U.S., I started school at five but only went to school until noon. My daughter can read, write and seems to know more about planets than I do. There are different tests that they do. They don’t go to high school. And luckily I have 10 years before we need to think about university because the UK application process makes no sense to me.

I thought it would be strange that my children would speak in a different accent to me. But I am so used to the British accent now. I use a lot of British terms and phrases. But I still pronounce certain things differently. In fact, my daughter often makes fun of the way I pronounce words. But she also thinks it is cool that I am from the USA as that is where cowboys are from.

I think it is probably easier living in London than in many international cities, even easier than other cities in the UK. But as an expat there will always be more differences to deal with. You have to embrace your new country otherwise those differences will keep you from truly enjoying your new life.

Elfa x

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You can follow Elfa here:
Blog: http://californianmuminlondon.com/
Twitter: @CalifornianMum
Facebook: www.facebook.com/CalifornianMumInLondon
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+CalifornianMuminLondon/posts
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It’s been 21 years since I last attended school in the UK, so I’m presuming that British schools, particularly primary ones, have changed a lot in that time. Therefore, I don’t have a valid point of reference when I make comparisons between British and U.S. schooling, but there are some pretty obvious ones like recess, erasers and spelling certain words without a ‘u’.

The things we, as parents, feel inadequate with at times are the cultural references, particularly with American history (notably when we were asked to learn a song about George Washington with our son about how he kicked out the Brits ), and, on a more serious note, the curriculum within the education system. There is a difference in the way of teaching and in the levels of attainment between the UK and the USA at this stage, and, whilst the schools in Howard County, where we live are great, from what I’ve seen happening with Harry’s peers back home, the teaching and curriculum here fall a little short of that which is available in the UK.

Which means that when Harry returns to the UK, he’ll have some catching up to do, and we’re helping with that, but in the meantime, Harry’s expat life is all about the experience of being abroad, embracing a new way of life and culture, and making some American friendships that will feature in his life far beyond our immediate return to British shores.

I’m happy to say that it’s really the amusing things which resonate with us. Just the other day, my son came home, declaring that what came out of volcanoes was called ‘lovva’. ‘Ah, lava!’ I replied. He was adamant it was called ‘lovva’. We agreed that this was a difference in the way Americans on the East Coast and Brits pronounce things. It was made clear to me that his teacher has a particular style of pronunciation when, the next day, my son announced that his teacher’s real name was ‘Tosha’. ‘I think you’ll find she’s called Tasha,’ I corrected. ‘No, it’s definitely Tosha,’ he replied and I guess, as far as pronunciation goes, she knows her own name!

Many of the incidents we encounter with differences between us we explain with ‘One way is not right, and one way is not wrong, they’re just different.’

For example, these are just some of the amusing little quips my young son has come up with:

1. If Americans spell ‘mummy’ like ‘mommy’, do they spell ‘tummy’ like ‘tommy’?”
2. ‘Mummy, why don’t Americans have a very good sense of humour? Should I say poop instead of poo when I tell a poo joke and then they’ll get it?’
3. ‘Why can’t I run round the house naked? Don’t they like British willies?’
4. ‘Why do they run with the ball in football here? Isn’t that rugby?’
5. ‘Mummy, is it the first day of Spring?’

‘Yes, it’s supposed to be.’

‘Well is it or isn’t it?’

‘Yes, apparently so.’

[Sigh] ‘Oh don’t worry, I’ll ask an American grown up.’
6. Passing the time with some transatlantic fart chat with Harry.
   Me: ‘What do they call farts at school, then?’
   Harry: ‘They call them pumps.’
   Me: ‘Hahaha! So when you do a fart, do you say “Ooh, I’ve just done a pump.”?’
   Harry: ‘No, I say Arjun’s just done a pump, because he sits next to me.’
7. Harry tried hard to get his head round British vs American humour…
   ‘Can I write “I think you’re really smelly” in my Valentines cards for my class [yes, he has to give ALL the class a card, even though he really only fancies one of the girls], and then on the back write “You’re actually really lovely and I love you”?’

’
   Um, probably not the best idea.
   ‘

’Oh, why not?’ [Big sigh]. ‘Is that because the Americans won’t get it? Is the British sense of humour normal and the American one isn’t?’

’
   No….there are differences in our senses of humour, but I just don’t think your teacher will find that very funny if you write that for everyone.
   ‘

’They don’t even find it funny when I take my pants down….’
8. Me: ‘Don’t undercut me, I’m changing lanes, dick.’
   Harry: ‘There are a lot of drivers called Dick in America, aren’t there, mummy?’
9. ‘Mummy, I am a pilgrim and Rohan [boy at school] is a hippy.
   ’

‘Oh really, why is that?’

‘
   Because I came from England to America, which makes me a pilgrim, and Rohan doesn’t eat meat, so that makes him a hippy…..’
10. ‘Sigh, why do all Americans think I’m named after Harry Potter or Prince Harry? I’m just Harry. Would they ask me that in England? I think I would like to be called Albert.’

But you know, Harry has embraced America, much like we have. Whilst he is definitely a British kid who speaks with a British accent in the USA, and I feel his heart and head are British, he is in a fantastic position to take these experiences and use them in later life, to become more open to opportunities, to be less judgmental in his outlook, and I know that he will always have a fond place in his heart for all things Americana.

In fact, he even declared, with unwitting irony, on 4th July during the Independence Day celebration we were attending, that: ‘’I wish everyone could come to America because lots of good things happen to you like parades and outdoor movies at the pool and the mall, and when good things happen to you then you would be happy all the time…….”.

True, young Harry, very true.

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Claire Bolden McGill is a British mother living and raising her British son, Harry, in the United States. Follow her blog: www.ukdesperatehousewifeusa.com A blog that acts as an observational commentary on the amusing, confusing and cultural differences between Brits and Americans. Claire is a Certified Nutritionist and Weight Management Consultant http://healthandnutritionforlife.wordpress.com

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I am married to a British man and our two children are British – they spent the first years of their lives in the UK and identify it as ‘their’ country of origin.  We currently live in Kazakhstan and are moving to Malaysia in a few months time – they love their host countries, their home but they identify as British.  I have always tried to help my Husband inculcate this sense of security in our children, I want them to know where they come from and to be able, when the time is right, to repatriate without difficulty.  I found it very sad – on a trip back to the UK last year when some children in a local playground refused to believe our children were British.  Their accents have moved around a little since expatriating and our son’s has definitely moved eastwards, with his blond hair the others thought he was Polish, of course why this should matter to little children is a whole other topic but it clearly does to some so we want our children to be confident of their background.  This is sometimes a challenge for me, however, because although I sound English and lived there for many years of my life I am not from the UK and every now and then cultural differences creep in.

When the children were very little I, like many new parents, got to know other people with children of a similar age.  We had so many shared experiences but certain things stuck out like a sore thumb – I did not know any English lullabys to sing to the children and had to learn them from the internet, at music play groups I would have to hum along until I knew the words.  People were surprised at the food I fed my children – much richer tastes than UK children are generally weaned on and my friends were very shocked to come to my house and see a play pen (not acceptable in middle class Surrey) or even worse, walking reins- we ditched buggies at age 2 so they were very necessary.  Some things in the UK surprised me, a ‘family friendly’ restaurant does not seem to be a place where children are welcome, rather a place where children are welcome to misbehave, we avoid them wherever possible but I could not understand why other restaurants did not want the children.  I am used to them being welcome everywhere on the premiss that they will behave and that parents will remove a crying child.  In fact I noticed that life as a parent in the UK can sometimes be divided into two – life that revolves completely around children and their needs, or life where the children are completely ignored and unwelcome.  British friends were sometimes perplexed at our approach – integrating the children into our lives without being subsumed.

But these are all little things – unimportant in the grand sweep of life.  When we moved out to Kazakhstan our children were 4 and 2 we decided it was important that they continued to feel connected to the UK – I grew up without a home country and, while it does not bother me, I can see that a sense of belonging must be lovely to have.  We talk about the UK a lot, about their family and the British news.  We celebrate British holidays in as British a way as we can and I try to take the lead from my Husband, he knows what is important and what is not and is a valuable source of advice.  I have no interest in Mothering Sunday – I never sent my own mother a card and I do not expect one from the children – but I now understand how important it is for their granny and make sure that something gets to her every year.  I also know that while my own daughter might take after me my son might marry an English woman for whom it is important – he will need to know not to forget to send her a card from the baby for her first Mothering Sunday after their own children are born.

When I was an older teenager living in the UK I was very conscious of the fact that I had not seen the TV programmes my friends had, I had not heard the same music.  We don’t get British TV here (and rarely watched live TV when in the UK) but we do try to keep abreast of what is ‘trending’ in the UK so that we can expose our children to it.  I have learned to cook English food in addition to my ordinary repertoire, after-all who can say no to Apple Crumble (my Dutch relatives go crazy for this when I make it for them, one took the recipe and ‘wows’ her friends with it at dinner parties) and I can make pies and roasts, Christmas pudding and mincemeat.  Sadly I have never been able to master the Sunday lunch staple of Yorkshire Puddings.  My mother in law cooks hers in an ancient tin with the patina of years, the tin providing a link to all the family lunches she cooked throughout her married life.  I follow her exact recipe but with no luck – perhaps I need to keep trying, week on week, until my own tin is old enough to perform well.   Every time we go back to the UK we try our best to fit in visits to museums, cathedrals, houses etc to make sure that the children grow up with an understanding and appreciation of history and Britain’s role in it.  We want them to grow up with a sense of pride in their country – it seems to be working as our son’s greatest hero is Admiral Nelson (closely followed by Yuri Gagarin and Serik Sapaiev (a Kazakh Gold Medallist Boxer)).

Most importantly I try to look at what expats in the UK find confusing and difficult to deal with and what I struggled with when I first moved to England.  It is probably the English tendency towards diffidence and understatement.  We don’t necessarily want the children to be diffident towards their own achievement and success or to engage in competitive understatement but they do need to learn when it is necessary to use it so as not to offend and to understand the use of these traits in their future friends and colleagues.  We are not naive enough to think that re-patriation will come without a struggle but we do hope that what we are doing will be enough to reduce it a little.

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I am an Irish citizen born in the Netherlands to a Dutch/Irish family. I spent many of my early years with my Dutch grandparents. My family lived in The Netherlands (many times), Norway, the UK, Nigeria, Turkey and Venezuela. I schooled and went to Uni in the UK where I married and had kids. A few years ago we took our kids and dog to Astana, Kazakhstan and we will be moving to Sarawak in a few weeks time. I have no home and no home culture, my husband calls me a global soul. We want our kids to grow up with the skills to be global citizens while identifying with their home country.   I publish under the name The Ersatz Expat, my blog is at ersatzexpat.blogspot.com

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 – Guest Post appeared first on Bringing Up Brits.

What became apparent to me over time was that South Africa felt less and less like home. Perhaps it is because I am a white, English speaking South African whose ancestors belonged on a small, wet island far to the north rather than the hot, dry plains of Africa. Or perhaps it was that South Africa was changing – rightly so – beyond the country I knew so that it already felt foreign to the place of my childhood. Or perhaps it was just the excitement of knowing the rest of the world was out there waiting to be explored. Whatever it was, I wanted to leave. And I did. Simply. There was no wailing or gnashing of teeth, thinking I might never return. I just left, ready for the next challenge.

I moved with my company at the time to Boston in the USA, then to New York City, before moving to the UK eleven years ago – jumping from Oxfordshire to Berkshire to North Yorkshire.  Each move was just another adventure. I gave no real thought to where home really was.

But, having children plants roots for you whether you intend to or not. Once you’ve gone through a country’s maternity system, forged desperately needed friendships with post-natal group buddies, and figured out the pre-school and education system, you are well and truly entrenched. Without even noticing it, you start to feel that where your children are born, that is your home. Because it’s their home.

This became apparent to me when I realised I was silently cheering for the England rugby team in a match against South Africa. It was reinforced when we were offered the chance to move back to the States. I didn’t want to raise American children. I wanted them to be British. My husband is British. It made sense that we raise them in the image of his, if not my, childhood, rather than something foreign to all of us.

Yet I still don’t feel British. Nor do I feel South African. I feel like a person of no fixed abode. I desperately want my children to feel some of their South African heritage. So in a bid to infuse them with some of my culture I’ve tried teaching them a few Afrikaans and Zulu words. We discuss South African history and current events. I cook occasional South African meals and gnaw on Biltong. And they love to tease me when I yell ‘Ag no man!’ in a South African accent when something goes wrong.

But they’ll never feel the pulse of Africa in their blood, will never know what it was like to grow up in a hot country, where you ran around barefoot with unparalleled freedom to roam. That South Africa doesn’t exist anymore. It is no longer my home. And hasn’t been for some time.

I have no idea whether we will remain in the UK forever. Part of me is desperate to put down roots, to give my children the stability of knowing where they are from so that they don’t grow up feeling that they too are of no fixed abode. Yet a small part of me has the desire to give my kids a more global experience, to keep wandering and exploring, so that they can choose a place in the world that is right for them.

Perhaps I will never know where home is. I will always be a citizen of the world. But for now, home is where my children are.

By Melissa Talago – a blogger at www.talkaboutyork.com and freelance writer & marketer www.melissatalago.com. She has two boys aged 10 and 8.

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There is however, one characteristic that will always mark me out as different, always make me stand out. I am loud!

Have you noticed that in a country of almost 65 million people it is really quite quiet? Granted, there are some loud folk but the average middle-class, middle income British person tends to be both softly spoken and gently mannered.

Now your average New Zealander has many wonderful qualities as well. We tend to be very open, enthusiastic, and friendly, a bit like a Labrador puppy except we don’t drool or play fetch. However, you would not typically use words like demure or reticent to describe us. You would probably not use these words to describe many Australians or Americans either.

So as a New Zealander I am loud. “You have a voice like a fog-horn” is my British husband’s constant admonishment every time I set foot in our back garden as he scuttles inside, fearful of being associated with rambunctious individual. “But I am being quiet” I bellow after him. And I genuinely do not understand how I can possibly tone myself down any further without giving up and simply saying nothing at all.

Now I know the Kiwi open, forthright, slightly boisterous nature can be quite appealing to the British people. After observing that many of my New Zealand girlfriends were coming back from their overseas experience (the Kiwi equivalent of a gap year) with a British husband in tow I asked a former colleague, himself married for twenty five years to a New Zealand lass what the appeal was. “New Zealand women are very assertive” he told me. Unfortunately he did not elaborate any further so I was left to wonder what he meant. Did he mean Kiwi women were strong, dynamic, irresistible creatures that had the power to captivate the dapper Englishman’s heart? Or was he trying to convey that once they became involved British men were too scared to leave in case their New Zealand love yelled at them! My husband remains resolutely silent when I ask him to provide clarification.

I do make a real effort to try and remember to lower my voice. However, when my two year old decides to ride his bike over my foot, my dog starts barking madly at his doggy friend next door or I simply get excited the volume tends to go up and up.

When friends come to visit me from down under I am struck by the volume of their vocals so maybe I am becoming more sensitive to big voices and perhaps mine will soften with time. The big question is “do I want it to”? Although I greatly admire British gentility I do love the relaxed, laidback style of my home country. I would love my children to have a combination of English courtesy and Kiwi openness. In one of my favourite books “Almost French” about an Australian living in France the author is told by an old Greek expat “it is a bitter-sweet thing knowing two cultures. Once you leave your birthplace nothing is ever the same”. This strikes such a chord with me because I know that no matter how much I appreciate certain qualities of my adopted home country I will never be able to change my inborn cultural traits and to be honest I would not want to.

So sorry dear husband and children, venturing into the garden with your Kiwi born wife and Mother will always be a little bit embarrassing. But hopefully not too much.

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Corinne is originally from New Zealand, is married to a British man, has two children and is living in England and runs her own business McKenna Legal Copywriting

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