• Losing her American accent. This took about a year!
• Spelling things ‘incorrectly’ in school
• The size of the schools (huge in Miami, very small in Sussex)
• The way American teachers are more tactile compared to British teachers
• The way British children and teachers, in general, are more reserved
• The list goes on, but we’d had a few glasses of wine so my recall is a bit muddled!

What struck us both as fascinating was how different our daughters are and we wondered how much of it has to do with the influence of their cultural surroundings and how much is simply down to their personalities. My daughter is very British in that she’s incredibly reserved, cringes when complimented, avoids being the center of attention and physically tries to stop me when I laugh too loudly (that’s probably not a British thing, more like an embarassing mum thing). I sometimes get frustrated with her because I feel she’s not applying herself in the style that might open her up to amazing experiences and successes. And it’s not just my daughter, my eldest too is very reserved. Jenny was saying that her daughter is pretty much the opposite of that and thinks it might have something to do with her first schooling environment and the cultural differences that American children and teachers have compared to British. This really confirmed some of my fears and disappointment that my own influence on my daughter as an American has very little impact due to the fact that she’s growing up in Britain, so culturally different to where I grew up. But Jenny is British through and through and although loved her time in America, she did find some of it incredibly different and at times, a challenge to adapt. Since returning to the UK with her family and continuing her photography business that she started up there, she’s learned to change what worked in the US in terms of what attracted American clients, and making her business a success with the British consumer market. By the way, Jenny took those amazing photos of my children which, if you haven’t seen them yet, can be seen here. So how much influence did Jenny’s cultural background have on her daughter when she was in American schools and essentially, for that time period, growing up American? I suppose a key difference is that Jenny’s husband is also British and they knew they would eventually repatriate. Nevertheless, we found it very interesting indeed and joked about doing an anthropological study and swapping daughters to see if and how much our own cultural backgrounds influence them. Wouldn’t that be fascinating! I mean, I still have my own mother’s words of wisdom and the way she went about doing things in the back of my mind (sometimes at the forefront) on a nearly daily basis so I know the impact mothers can have on their daughters. Just how much of it is personality and how much cultural? Or maybe that’s not the right question… maybe it’s about the cultural influences of our environment that is the most influential. Photo by Jessica Milberg

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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I’ve been here since the very end of 1998. I came intending to stay for just a few years with a desire to only live in London and then move back to my home country to get serious about my life. Well, turns out I’ve never lived in London, never left England and definitely got serious about my life – British style! I have a successful career as a designer and company director, I’ve written and published two books (both about being an expat), I’ve given birth to and am raising three amazing cross-cultural children and am married to a very British husband. So here’s an insight into my life as an expat American in Britain who’s been here long enough to understand how to be British but still isn’t:

• I’m no longer offended by British humor, however I don’t necessarily understand what is happening
• I say ‘sorry’ way more than I ever used to, especially when it’s the other person’s fault
• I smile and say hi to strangers I pass on the street or in shops and I don’t care any more when they look at me like I’m weird. It’s up to them if they want to smile back – and sometimes they do
• I teach my children that American spelling, pronunciation and vocabulary is not wrong, it’s just different – it’s American English and that even though it’s considered wrong in school here and they get marked down if they use American spelling etc to just secretly know that they are right
• I love the expression ‘cream crackered’ because I am this a lot of the time and in order to understand it you first have to know what knackered means which I didn’t for most of my life
• I drive down small roads thinking they are much wider than they actually are pretending I don’t hear the sound of the wing mirror being bashed off (I’ve had to replace many wing mirrors on all the cars I’ve owned!)
• I love going to London pretending to be a savvy local when actually I squeal (inside my head) with delight when I see a guard with the big furry hat and strap way too high up their chin
• I understand it and can empathize when Americans who visit Britain for the first time tell me living here is like camping but cringe when I know how offensive that can be to a British person even though it’s not meant to be offensive at all
• My children are all very British – this makes me feel proud and sad at the same time, inexplicable and slightly irrational, but true
• British TV is way better than American TV (fewer commercial breaks, weird and wacky TV ads)
• But American crime dramas are way better than British crime dramas
• Sunday dinner tradition British style is part of our cross-cultural family life, although if we sometimes skip it I don’t mind. On the other hand, if we miss it, my husband feels scarred for life
• Getting measurements wrong is a common occurrence for me, confusing lots of people along the way
• I still sometimes go to the supermarket expecting to find exactly what I want and then when it doesn’t exist because it’s an American product I have a mini tantrum setting a bad example to my kids who are very understanding and do a great job of consoling me telling me we live in England, not in America
• The weather here is wonderful and I’ve grown to love it. No tornadoes, hurricanes or ice storms, just damp, rain and sometimes glorious sun
• Train journeys are generally comfortable, convenient and enjoyable (compared to car journeys) and I love the English countryside and lush green everywhere – a thing of real beauty

• Our cupboards are stocked with both British and American products such as HP sauce, Branston pickle, English mustard, JIF peanut butter, Aunt Jemima, Hidden Valley, Heinz baked beans and PG Tips – I know and understand that running out of tea bags can traumatize my husband so I always always make sure we are stocked up!
• I never have nor ever will say or write ‘cheers’ as a substitute for ‘thank you’ or ‘bye’ and I still do a hidden double take when people say ‘cheers’ to me to say ‘thank you’ or ‘bye’
• My son’s best friend asks me for cookies now (instead of biscuits) which I love and think is adorable

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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The post Understanding how to be British but still American through and through appeared first on Bringing Up Brits.

However much of a national pastime doing yourself down might be, it’s important not to let it affect the way that you think about yourself. Our subconscious doesn’t discern between a cultural nicety and a concrete fact, so when batting back a compliment with a ‘oh no but I’m rubbish at…’ kind of a comment, we are hammering nails into the coffin of our own confidence. http://straightforwardcoaching.com/2014/04/battling-britishness/

This is something that struck me when I first moved here – not in an obvious way but in a very subtle way, as is the way of the British. Over time, I have accepted it and sometimes mirror behavior and attitudes in order to subconsciously fit in and be ‘British’ and immerse myself in the culture of my new home country. When people tell me I’m a super mum or a talented designer, I tend to respond in a more British way than in an American way. I don’t take compliments very well as a result, where as before, I did. I had no problem shouting out about my accomplishments. I remember when I was doing my Masters degree course during the first year of living in England, I was very vocal about how good my presentations were and how my work was of a high standard. I think over time, I have changed and am definitely more self-deprecating after living here for so long.

My daughter who is 11 has turned this ‘Britishness’ into an art form. She is so smart, clever and talented, but she never thinks she is and whenever we tell her how proud we are of her about something she’s done or said or accomplished, she never outwardly acknowledges it. She always points out something negative to show us that it’s not ‘perfect’. It’s exactly what Claire wrote about what her Nana told her ‘to play down her achievements’. And saying this is not necessarily an unkind thing – it’s a cultural thing. My daughter is growing up British and even though no one has told her that she needs to play down her accomplishments, she does so naturally because of the environment she’s growing up in. I find this fascinating and also very interesting that I have adapted so much without even realizing it. What we must try to do, which is what Claire says, is not let this hinder the way we do business or go about our work or let it influence our children in a negative way.

To end this post, I’m going to shout out about my latest book (there is a reason too!) Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs which I wrote with Heidi Walker. It is a truly fantastic, authentic book which will help you run your business and give you the motivation and inspiration to keep going and make a success of your business ventures.

Today it is on sale on Amazon USA for only $0.92. That’s 95% off.

So if you’re reading this from the USA, please order your copy of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs and use it as a tool to help you. Or get it for a friend you know who is an expat in business.

And thank you Claire for your wise words and thought provoking post that inspired me to write about this kind of ‘Britishness’ that I have subconsciously adopted.

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd.  And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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My son spends most of his pocket money at the corner shop. I love this as well. Where I grew up, we didn’t have a corner shop – they were not ubiquitous as they are here. Corner shops seem to be so much a part of British culture. Our first home in Nottingham had one directly across the street! I was so intrigued that I spent most of my money in there on a daily basis. It was a tiny shop with a tiny doorway, but full to bursting with all the usual suspects found in the British corner shop. My son is now at an age where he likes to ‘pop’ to the shop to spend his pocket money or pick up the bread for lunchboxes (this is quite handy) and I really can’t imagine living in a place where one doesn’t have a corner shop at the end of one’s road. He comes back with the most bizarre toxic sweets sometimes. It always amazes me how you can buy your entire supper from a corner shop. Has ‘saved my bacon’ on a few occassions when I haven’t had time to do the grocery shop! Ah, I have turned British in so many ways!

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“He came up to me all smiling and put his arm around my shoulders. He was nice but I mean, I don’t know him at all. It was a bit weird. I don’t get it.”

OMG. My son is truly British through and through. I must be kidding myself thinking that I am instilling in him some of my own American characteristics. Clearly he was uncomfortable with how friendly this American kid was to him. Paranoia set deep in the British psyche is ingrained at an early age and there doesn’t seem to be a lot I can do to stop it happening to my own children!

My husband says it’s normal and that now maybe I can understand him better through our children. This is how he grew up. Oh yes. I am understanding better.

Perhaps Samuel and his new ‘friend’ will eventually become friends. Perhaps not. Perhaps this poor American kid fresh out of Virginia is in for a very rude awakening.

(At least I didn’t make Samuel give a copy of Bringing Up Brits to him. Although the thought did cross my mind…..)

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