I had not celebrated Thanksgiving properly before, nor remembered much of the American culture I had experienced 4 years ago on our Holiday to Florida so I didn’t exactly know what to expect. As soon as we walked through the door we were greeted warmly by people we didn’t even know yet they still managed to keep conversations amongst themselves whilst saying hello to us. It was very crowded (for me) but nobody seemed to care or notice. It then occurred to me that British and American cultures were so vastly different that it seemed almost futile to attempt to compare them or say that one made more sense than the other. It wasn’t just the loud stereotype that defined the Americans I met however I did feel like the British stereotype of being anti-social and being reserved was precisely how I was acting- or trying not to act like. I find it strange how the day before I felt like I was just me but when being one of the very few people in that house who was born and considered themselves British, I felt like nothing more than a stereotypical English girl. Not that that’s a bad thing, it just was strange how this experience changed my view of myself entirely. The counter tops were lined with dishes of thanksgiving food that we ate. This included: Chocolate pie, macaroni and cheese, bean bakes, casseroles, pumpkin, turkey, ect. For the most part during the evening we talked and ate food. – Anna Grace, age 12

It was like I was in America as everyone was so different to how British people are, for example the woman who was hosting the thanksgiving party didn’t even notice as we walked straight into the house until she recognised my mum. We then just helped ourselves to plates of food and socialised with the people there. They were all very welcoming and nice and seemed very happy to talk with us about this and that, this gave the whole event a very social and fun atmosphere. – Sam, age 14

We are so thankful for this experience, a little bit of American culture weaved into our British lives.
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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits, co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs, co-founder and Director of Design and Web at Shake It Up Creative. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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When ‘Friends’ came out in the US in September of ’94, I didn’t watch it because I was living in Prague and had no TV. Even if I had had a television set, I still wouldn’t have been able to watch it. Oh but did I hear about it? – yes I did, mostly from my younger sister who gushed and declared it was the best thing EVER. Then I moved to Tokyo and still didn’t have a TV and then when I did get a TV we could only watch videos on it or some incredibly bizarre Japanese game shows. It wasn’t until after I moved to England that I watched my first episode of Friends and by then they were only showing re-runs.

Now I do end up watching either a whole half hour show or a snippet of one thanks to ComedyCentral (before it was E4) nearly every day and my kids all seem to share my love of it too.

So it may sound like something trivial, something a bit silly. It’s only a TV sitcom. And now, I suppose it’s a pretty old TV sitcom seeing as it ended twelve years ago, but for me, it’s a wholesome slice of American pie (oh no that’s another show!) that I cannot get anywhere else or anyway in my life. My kids and I have bonded over it many times and they often ask me to explain something about the culture or traditions that come up in some of the episodes. They also love the humor and the characters – there really isn’t anything else like it surprisingly enough because it’s such a simple concept but it’s executed so brilliantly.

I suppose for me, it’s a reminder of the twenty-something American life that I never had. I spent my twenties in central Europe, in the Far East and in middle England so I never experienced that American way of life post college and pre-marriage. It’s like I’m living vicariously through these characters that I can so easily relate to. I understand the references, the jokes, the humor. It’s something I know and almost long for because I never had it first-hand. Plus, it’s my age group – we didn’t have mobile phones or tablets or apps or Facebook or Periscope when we were that age. It was just good old fashioned life with friends. You can’t beat that for a daily dose of American escapism.

Cast Members Of NBC’s Comedy Series “Friends.” Getty Images
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/friends-turns-20-20-memorable-quotes-series/story?id=25631057

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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My Bringing Up Brits blog has never been political nor do I wish it to be, but how can one escape a national election? And as someone who is raising children in the UK, why wouldn’t I be interested? It has been exceptionally captivating with a disappointing outcome. My British husband stayed up most of the night while I slept with the muffled sound of the BBC in my ear.

Over the past few months we’ve had many family debates laced with humor and irony about UKIP especially, but more seriously about the issues prevalent for us as a family; University fees, the National Health Service (NHS) and taxes. The big debate for us is about University fees. Coming from an American background where I had to pay for college fees and had never known anything different, I don’t get as riled up as Nick does about having to pay to send our children to University. He went to Uni for free and never expected to have to pay for it for his own children. This discussion led us on to other issues such as the rich getting richer, being in debt from having to pay to get a degree and how we each view the prospect of our children going to University.

Although we ultimately agree on the issue of our children going to University – we both want them to go – we both have different values and expectations because of our cultural backgrounds. It’s like we are each hard-wired British or hard-wired American. I fully expect my children to go to University and get a degree and am happy to pay for it, in fact, I feel proud that we are expected to pay for it and am not particularly scared about the fact that they will have monthly payments to help pay off any student loans that they are likely to accrue. I feel proud that I helped to put myself through University, that I paid off my debts, that I have an undergraduate degree and a Masters degree and that I was able to make that happen for myself and that my parents instilled in me the self-reliance that I depend so heavily on.

My British husband, on the other hand, is outraged that we have to pay (and/or our kids will have to pay) to go to University and is more open to alternative options such as apprenticeships or job opportunities. He is also adamant that bankers and businesses should be taxed in order to help pay for University fees. They, after all, will benefit from the next generation of graduates who will be joining them to contribute to and strengthen the economy. This is not a bad idea actually and I, as a business owner, see the value in this. However, I also see the value in making things happen for yourself, in being proactive in wanting to better yourself, your situation, in looking at what we can do as individuals, not just taking hand outs or expecting others to foot the bill. This type of discussion has kept us not only entertained but has given us both an insight into how we will parent our children together when they reach the college stage. We agree that we need to be respectful of each other, our views which stem from our cultural upbringings, and of our children and stay open minded and above all positive.

The election outcome for us, for the purpose of this blog post specifically, means that when our eldest reaches University age, which he will during the next five years, we will need to pay the University fees and he will walk away with years’ worth of debt. All of that thoroughly depresses my British husband. And the rest, we shall have to see over time.

Oh and I have a meeting with our local MP, Tim Loughton, to discuss my ideas on a youth community center specifically for teens aged 13 to 17 in the heart of Worthing town. I wonder how that will go! I might have to muzzle my anti-conservative husband to prevent any fisticuffs on the day. Any hints and tips? Would love to hear your opinion on how I should approach the meeting…. Wish me luck.

Vita Abundantior, RMWC, my alma mater

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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I’ve been here since the very end of 1998. I came intending to stay for just a few years with a desire to only live in London and then move back to my home country to get serious about my life. Well, turns out I’ve never lived in London, never left England and definitely got serious about my life – British style! I have a successful career as a designer and company director, I’ve written and published two books (both about being an expat), I’ve given birth to and am raising three amazing cross-cultural children and am married to a very British husband. So here’s an insight into my life as an expat American in Britain who’s been here long enough to understand how to be British but still isn’t:

• I’m no longer offended by British humor, however I don’t necessarily understand what is happening
• I say ‘sorry’ way more than I ever used to, especially when it’s the other person’s fault
• I smile and say hi to strangers I pass on the street or in shops and I don’t care any more when they look at me like I’m weird. It’s up to them if they want to smile back – and sometimes they do
• I teach my children that American spelling, pronunciation and vocabulary is not wrong, it’s just different – it’s American English and that even though it’s considered wrong in school here and they get marked down if they use American spelling etc to just secretly know that they are right
• I love the expression ‘cream crackered’ because I am this a lot of the time and in order to understand it you first have to know what knackered means which I didn’t for most of my life
• I drive down small roads thinking they are much wider than they actually are pretending I don’t hear the sound of the wing mirror being bashed off (I’ve had to replace many wing mirrors on all the cars I’ve owned!)
• I love going to London pretending to be a savvy local when actually I squeal (inside my head) with delight when I see a guard with the big furry hat and strap way too high up their chin
• I understand it and can empathize when Americans who visit Britain for the first time tell me living here is like camping but cringe when I know how offensive that can be to a British person even though it’s not meant to be offensive at all
• My children are all very British – this makes me feel proud and sad at the same time, inexplicable and slightly irrational, but true
• British TV is way better than American TV (fewer commercial breaks, weird and wacky TV ads)
• But American crime dramas are way better than British crime dramas
• Sunday dinner tradition British style is part of our cross-cultural family life, although if we sometimes skip it I don’t mind. On the other hand, if we miss it, my husband feels scarred for life
• Getting measurements wrong is a common occurrence for me, confusing lots of people along the way
• I still sometimes go to the supermarket expecting to find exactly what I want and then when it doesn’t exist because it’s an American product I have a mini tantrum setting a bad example to my kids who are very understanding and do a great job of consoling me telling me we live in England, not in America
• The weather here is wonderful and I’ve grown to love it. No tornadoes, hurricanes or ice storms, just damp, rain and sometimes glorious sun
• Train journeys are generally comfortable, convenient and enjoyable (compared to car journeys) and I love the English countryside and lush green everywhere – a thing of real beauty

• Our cupboards are stocked with both British and American products such as HP sauce, Branston pickle, English mustard, JIF peanut butter, Aunt Jemima, Hidden Valley, Heinz baked beans and PG Tips – I know and understand that running out of tea bags can traumatize my husband so I always always make sure we are stocked up!
• I never have nor ever will say or write ‘cheers’ as a substitute for ‘thank you’ or ‘bye’ and I still do a hidden double take when people say ‘cheers’ to me to say ‘thank you’ or ‘bye’
• My son’s best friend asks me for cookies now (instead of biscuits) which I love and think is adorable

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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So on Thursday morning, I went to Surrey armed with a laptop, an iPad, a pop up banner, a USB stick, a Snickers bar (just in case) and a bag full of books. It was an amazing day. I immediately fell in love with the campus and had to stop myself from feeling envious of the parents I was meeting, of their international and somewhat ‘American’ environment. The talk itself I think went well and I’ve had some feedback that the parents enjoyed it and found it interesting and helpful. So that’s great.

Here are some of the things I learned:

• Find out how much time it will take to drive from Worthing, Sussex to Egham, Surrey. Then double it. I learned this after the fact, however, driving like a maniac on the M25 made up some of the time!
• Children do not wear school uniforms at International schools. This was oddly unsettling for me after many years of sending my own kids to school in school uniforms.
• I never tire of hearing parents’ stories and talking to them about their experiences
• I love meeting new people (I kinda already knew that!).
• YouTube videos might not play correctly in Prezi so be prepared and have a back up.
• Stay hydrated as much as possible to avoid getting a sore throat from so much talking.
• I am a natural sharer.
• I enjoy giving talks (never thought I would feel that way).
• My children are much more American than I sometimes realize or give them credit for.
• The parents I met at the school are a really lovely bunch of people – warm, genuine, intelligent and welcoming.
• Windsor is now on my list of places to visit (and I don’t mean LegoLand Windsor!).
• I’m not the only one in Britain who isn’t a fan of the soggy, napkin wrapped party bag piece of birthday cake.
• In Argentina, people are crazy!! And very funny.
• Values we have from our own countries, cultures and backgrounds ARE important and other people feel the same way I do about this.
• Equally, there is so much we can learn from the British that will improve our quality and enjoyment of life.
• Remember to take more photos!

Here I am presenting my talk to the parents of ACS Egham International School. By the time this photo was taken by one of the parents, many had had to leave which is why some of the chairs are empty. It was, in fact, a great turnout and a fantastic discussion!

A few of the wonderful parents I met:

A special thank you to Kendall, Robyn and Alison for asking me to come, for being so warm and welcoming and for all your help on the day.

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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2nd blog post. See last week’s blog link up post here.

5 Reasons I’m Glad my Children Are British & American

1. Crossing Cultures. They are learning about America and American culture first hand which will become a part of their own history and hopefully something they will pass on to their own children some day.

2. Proud to be British. They are growing up in Britain, a beautiful country rich in history and tradition. A country full of wonderful people, national pride, antiquity and global awareness and intelligence. They are growing up smarter than I was as a child, physically and mentally closer to the world at large so they have an inherent understanding of what it means to be a citizen of the world. And they have lovely British accents!

3. Culturally Diverse Home. They are growing up in a culturally diverse home with American influences that enhance their native British upbringing.

4. Celebrating non-British Holidays. They get to celebrate American holidays (unofficially in the eyes of the British government of course! So no extra days off school.) and experience American traditions that were passed down by their American great grandparents. They have the best of both worlds in this way and are growing up with an understanding of what it means to be American and proud to be American as well as British (at least I try to do this for them!).

5. Dual Nationality. They have dual nationality and can live anywhere in the EU or in America if they wish to when they are adults. They get to spend time in the USA as Americans rather than just tourists. Hopefully this will give them more opportunities in the future and open them up to new experiences and perhaps a life in America or at least some time spent living in America if they wish.

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Meghan Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd.  And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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To top it off, my four year old shouted out, “Raise your hand if you’re American.” So I did (and was surprised that there weren’t more hands raised other than only mine). Then he pointed at me and yelled, “Ha ha you’re FAT!” My twelve year old son thought this was hilarious and began to laugh and point at me too. Lovely.

It was all a bit of fun and I don’t actually mind that much, but it does remind me of how British they are and the concept of being American is completely foreign to them. The two older ones understand that they are half American simply because they have a British passport and an American one. So that’s proof. However, actually being half American is something they’ve never really experienced yet. They get a glimpse of it and love visiting America and they do love some of the things I’ve introduced into their lives that are not British but that they still like. And there are moments when I look at them and feel yes they are British but they are more than that, and they’re proud to be half American too. This mostly comes from my daughter who is interested (not all the time) in being American and doesn’t hate everything American I ‘force’ upon them.

It is interesting and it is my hope that if I keep true to myself and offer them a life which includes both cultures, then they will grow up being both British and American. Some day!

One of the most common things that the parents I interviewed for my book, Bringing Up Brits, told me was that they hoped their children would grow up proud to be Polish, or proud to be Japanese…  or Australian, or Chinese, or German, or Indonesian, or Romanian, or Swedish etc etc, in addition to being British. No matter where we hail from, this desire for our children who we are bringing up in Britain remains the same.

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Meghan Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs. She is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd.  And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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But when my husband brought it up and I told him my thoughts on it, he said that I shouldn’t stop doing something that comes naturally to me. I know it’s hard because you have to adapt to your surroundings and sometimes that means changing something that you do in order to fit in. However, he is partly right. Why should I stop being the way I am just because I’m living in Britain? I didn’t change when I lived in Prague or Tokyo so why should I here?

My reader also gave me an example. We were talking about reciprocity and supporting one another whether it’s about business or about friendship. She said that in China, it’s very common and actually expected that you support one another and if someone does a favour for you, you do one back for them. In business especially, but also in general. But here in Britain, people don’t do that as much so she has stopped doing it herself. She said that she feels like she wants to get back into that mindset because it’s actually very beneficial for everyone involved and it’s a nicer way to lead your life. I totally agree.

Something for the business minded folk:

“If you can’t immediately make a note of 5 connections you have helped facilitate or business owners you have supported in the last month then this is something you need to do more of. Networking is all about reciprocity make sure you are fully engaging in the process.” – Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs (pg. 81)

Something for everyone:

“For it is in giving that we receive.” ― St. Francis of Assisi

“Living in the moment gives you a sense of reverence for all of life’s blessings. What I know for sure is that what you give comes back to you.” – Oprah Winfrey

This is the season to be merry, to be generous and to be thoughtful. Don’t just think about yourself and how you can benefit without helping someone else. In business, don’t be self-serving. Be genuine, be helpful. Let’s all do that.

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So when an American themed restaurant invited me to come to their Brighton location and try out their establishment on Thanksgiving day, I couldn’t resist. I had never heard of them before and was intrigued. I’d been to a few other ‘American themed’ restaurants before in England and not been all that impressed and have never returned to them nor recommended them to other Americans (or anyone in fact). So I went with a suitable appetite and an open mind with 3 expectant children in tow, plus a very hungry husband and was surprisingly impressed. The menu had American drinks including homemade lemonade (although it was a shame they didn’t have any on the night so I couldn’t try it) and ice cream sodas plus milkshakes and tomato juice. One thing that I liked a lot was that our waitress offered us a jug of water without us having to ask her for it. She also brought glasses with ice and the jug of water had ice too. I was in heaven! Bit of an overstatement you might think but I always have to ask for water and most times waiters forget to bring it and when they do remember to bring it, it rarely comes with ice. Even the children were impressed by that and the fact they noticed it says something about the fantastic customer service and attention to detail. They also had a fabulous selection of appetizers which were called appetizers and not starters. I made a mental note that the next time I go there I’m getting the Loaded Nachos.

Little touches like having American mustard and Tabasco sauce at the table, Mini Oreos with their coffee and Jelly Beans with the bill makes Coast To Coast stand apart from other American themed restaurants.

They didn’t simply re-name their meals using American terminology (like fries) or with a suggestive name (like New York something) they actually made them American in the way they were presented and the style of the actual food. My veggie burger came with a pickle (and no, not Branston pickle) it was a burger pickle!! The other thing which impressed me was that the children’s meal portions were substantial – nearly as large as the adult meals. It meant my two older children could still order from the children’s menu and not feel hungry afterwards. Adult meal portions were just right. Big enough to be impressive but not too big that we had to ask for doggy bags. It’s those details that surprised and delighted me. Especially the mini Oreos and the jelly beans-absolute genius because they are something different and memorable.

My daughter especially liked the sweet potato fries and the unusual ice cream flavors on offer such as banana and pecan, chocolate and honeycomb and blackberry cheesecake.

They actually had a special Thanksgiving three course menu which I would have ordered if they’d included a vegetarian option. I did spot of few other customers ordering the Thanksgiving special…. I wonder if they were American too. Overall, it was a wonderful meal in a friendly and welcoming atmosphere with great food and excellent customer service. Price-wise, very good value for money – especially the children’s menu which includes dessert. Next year, if they add a vegetarian option to their Thanksgiving menu, we will definitely go again – it may even become one of our American/British family traditions (and we have to make up our own as we go, drawing from both cultures and both of our family histories to create something special for our cross-cultural children, which will eventually become a part of their history)! Yes, I’d say Coast To Coast is well worth a visit, not only for Americans in Britain, if you like good food, appreciate good customer service, and attention to detail and want something a little bit different then give Coast To Coast a try. They have restaurants located all over the UK. Happy eating!

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This is not the first time, or the last I’m sure, that strangers have stopped me and asked me this, although usually it is “Are you Chinese?” instead. When these things happen, it raises very mixed feelings in me (especially when it happens in England because I’m not English either and I’m not from here). Initially I am offended because it’s none of their business and they are making assumptions that are wrong. However, I am also intruiged and want to know why they feel it is OK to ask someone where they are from when they haven’t even asked them their name nor have they ever met them before. In a social situation, if I start talking to somone who i suspect is not English either because of their accent or what they’ve told me during our conversation, I might ask them where they are from. I feel this is acceptable. Also, if I were to help someone I had never met before, for example, I helped a non-English speaker in a shop once when they were trying to find something, then I might ask where they are from, just to make conversation and to be friendly. I feel this also is acceptable.

In addition, it is also a reminder that even though I am not English, I do not necessarily look American either. In fact I would guess American would not even be in the list of nationalities people would assume I am just by seeing my face. I don’t mind this too much, but at times it is annoying when people just assume I’m Chinese when I’m not. Then when I tell them I’m actually American, they looked puzzled and say “But where are you from?”. So when I tell them i’m from America and grew up in America they look even more perplexed and just repeat their questions. It’s exhausting answering such a would be simple question! I write alot about this in the last chapter of my book, Bringing up Brits.

Because I was in a rush to get the whole drop off trauma over with, I didn’t stop to ask him why he asked me that. I would really like to know! Did he used to live there and wanted to reminisce about his life there? Does he have relatives there? Is his wife Philipino? Did he want to know because he spoke the language and he thought I was a native speaker too? Was he just being nosy? Was he just being friendly? The next time this happens, they are going to get blasted with my questions because now I really want to know!

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