Bringing Up Brits » expat life http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk Expat Parents Raising Cross-Cultural Kids in Britain by Meghan Peterson Fenn Thu, 28 Jul 2016 09:11:54 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.9 How to get over the Expat slump http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/how-to-get-over-the-expat-slump http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/how-to-get-over-the-expat-slump#comments Wed, 11 May 2016 07:24:05 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/?p=7788 Homesickness can be debilitating. Culture shock and homesickness combined can be completely crushing and plunges you deep into depression which impacts on your expat experience and life. I know. I’ve been there before. And, weirdly enough, I’m going through it again 18 years after my first expat slump. Expat slump is a mild way of […]

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]]> Homesickness can be debilitating. Culture shock and homesickness combined can be completely crushing and plunges you deep into depression which impacts on your expat experience and life. I know. I’ve been there before. And, weirdly enough, I’m going through it again 18 years after my first expat slump. Expat slump is a mild way of describing this feeling of loss, loneliness and displacement. It really should be called expat misery!

Why am I going through this now? Well, perhaps it’s because I recently visited the States and saw family and friends and reconnected with people and places I love and miss. My children had an awesome time and I got a glimpse of what life would be like for us in my original home country. The weather was of course glorious and despite the sadness (see my previous post), it was an amazing trip. Being able to live close to family, sharing their lives and having them be part of my children’s lives is something we just don’t have. It’s something I lament even now more so than ever before. The journey home was traumatic and difficult and our homecoming back in England was sad and depressing. Although I love our British home and the life I’ve made for us here, I can’t help the emotions that have been surging through me, reminding me that I am living life away from my own family and places and culture that were so much of part of me. It’s not always easy to recognize that this is happening and I didn’t at first. Here are some clues:

  • I’ve gone off English tea – something I learned to embrace and love. At the moment, I can’t drink it.
  • Becoming British feels like a chore and my motivation to study the Life in the UK book has ceased.
  • I really hate that May is cold and wet instead of full of sun and spring-like weather, even though I know it’s like this every year and I’ve got used to it.
  • I’m secretly looking at US real estate and what we might be able to afford, fully knowing that this is a futile exercise.
  • My tolerance for poor and even mediocre customer service seems to have gone way down which is weird after being so used it and not minding it that much.
  • My mind keeps harping back to some of the horrible experiences and people I’ve endured over the years as an American, newcomer and expat. Normally I wouldn’t let any of that bother me.
  • I cry silently while I’m at work. Something I have not done due to homesickness for many years.

Expat slump
So, the big question is this: knowing what I know now, what am I going to do about this and how am I going to make it better? Here’s some advice:

  • Talk to people, talk about it openly. This is something I didn’t do 18 years ago because I had no one to talk to nor did I understand how I felt and what was happening so I didn’t know that talking about anything could help.
  • Know that you are not alone – others have gone or are going through similar experiences.
  • Seek, find and give empathy. Facebook groups, online expat forums and blogs can be a good way to reach out to others who have gone or are going through similar expat slumps.
  • Meet up in person to support each other and have fun. But don’t make it a gripe session.
  • Do something fun to cheer yourself up. Could be a day out or simply an indulgent piece of cake. (minus the English tea).
  • Whenever you feel sad or depressed, try to find the silver lining. For example, it might not ever be hot here for an extended period of time during May, June, July and August but that’s OK because it forces us to go on holiday to hot places like Spain and Italy which is a fabulous and affordable thing for us to do (it wouldn’t be as much if we lived in the US).
  • Bad, difficult and challenging experiences are part of life and what makes expat life so interesting. Think of all the great stories you have to tell.
  • For me, it’s my children who I turn to (unknowingly on their part) for living proof and acknowledgement that I’ve done OK here and for inspiration to carry on embracing my adopted home country and making it work for all of us.

If you’re going through an expat slump for the first time or again after several years of living abroad, please know that you are not alone. It is hard, there is no doubt about it. It happens to the most seasoned expats and can creep up on you when you least expect it. And if you have a bad day and want to rant and rave to yourself, then do that. Just remember that it won’t stay forever and there are things you can do to keep positive and enjoy expat life which will, in turn, help you to continue to create a wonderful life for yourself and your family.

Seychelles Mama

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits, co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs, co-founder and Director of Design and Web at Shake It Up Creative. And, she is an award winning expat blogger and mother of three.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/how-to-get-over-the-expat-slump/feed 10 One of my favorite places http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/one-of-my-favorite-places http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/one-of-my-favorite-places#comments Mon, 06 Jul 2015 13:00:07 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/?p=7270 One of the great joys of living in England is the setting. Just down the road from us, there is this beautiful little town complete with medieval castle, winding river, historical ruins, museum, riverside walks, ducks and swans. It has something for everyone – playground, walks, shops, cafes, ice cream, restaurants, art galleries, antiques, churches, […]

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]]> One of the great joys of living in England is the setting. Just down the road from us, there is this beautiful little town complete with medieval castle, winding river, historical ruins, museum, riverside walks, ducks and swans. It has something for everyone – playground, walks, shops, cafes, ice cream, restaurants, art galleries, antiques, churches, some really lovely independent shops, and it’s the home of Arundel Wetlands Centre. Yes, it’s Arundel, West Sussex!

Arundel is one of my favorite places in the UK to go for a day out, a family picnic, to shop, to visit during their festival and fete seasons or to simply meet up with friends for dinner. Did I mention they also have an outdoor swimming pool? It’s very rare to find one of these in England!

On Saturday evening we went to Arundel to celebrate the Fourth of July as a British/American family. It’s important to me to recognize holidays and celebrations that are American so my children will grow up understanding them and remembering them. It’s a tough task for several reasons – the main one being that American holidays are not celebrated in the UK. So you lose out on the build-up, the excitement, the parades/fireworks/parties and also the national holiday day off of school and work. But, never mind, we do the best we can and enjoy it even though it’s not officially a holiday in the UK. I’m so thankful that many of my British friends took the time to wish me a Happy 4th of July. That’s really lovely.

This time last year, my parents were here visiting from South Carolina. We miss them so much! It was the first time since 1993 that I celebrated the 4th of July with other Americans. I remember I took my parents to Arundel for a day out and they also really liked it. So much fun to share my now home country and surroundings with them. That’s the thing about living a life outside the country you grew up in – you may miss out on some things, but you definitely gain so much more and not just for yourself, but for your loved ones too.

ArundelLast year at Arundel festival

burgers and beer in ArundelThis year’s 4th of July celebration at The Loft, Sparks Yard, Arundel

4th of July

arundel UKFeeding the ducks in Arundel, just below the castle walls

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/one-of-my-favorite-places/feed 4 The older they get…. my three cross cultural kids http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/the-older-they-get-my-three-cross-cultural-kids http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/the-older-they-get-my-three-cross-cultural-kids#comments Fri, 19 Jun 2015 05:39:49 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/?p=7217 Raising cross cultural kids means different things at different times during their lives. It’s hard to say how much my American-ness influenced them when they were babies. I’d like to think there was an American influence but in reality, maybe not so much. I do know that before my eldest went to school, his accent […]

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]]> Raising cross cultural kids means different things at different times during their lives. It’s hard to say how much my American-ness influenced them when they were babies. I’d like to think there was an American influence but in reality, maybe not so much. I do know that before my eldest went to school, his accent was not as British as it was after he started school. None of the others ever had an American-influenced accent before they went to school.

Right now, it goes like this:

6 year old: thinks I’m a bit stupid because I constantly get words wrong – all the time. Especially when I call trousers pants and trainers sneakers. Well what can I say? I’m hard-wired American! He also thinks I’m sort of an alien because I hail from another ‘world’ and he can never remember what that ‘other world’ is called but likes the sound of it. He can’t recall visiting Florida or going to Disney but he loves looking at the photos. Chats non stop to his American Grandmother over the phone and Skype. Unfortunately, she can’t understand a word he says.

12 year old: Gives me pathetic looks when I say things like play clothes and other Americanisms such as Math and suppertime. Has very fond memories of Florida, especially the neighbors she made friends with, the climate and the culture. Understands many of the cultural differences between the two countries and likes to talk about it with me. Sometimes mixes up American pronunciation and spellings with her native British way of saying and spelling words. When this happens at school she is mortified and her friends laugh at her (hopefully in a friendly way). Is incredibly reserved and very British by nature but is interested in my background, her American grandparents and likes the idea of America. Loves peanut butter instead of marmite. That is definitely my fault!

Almost 14 year old (his birthday is July 2nd, Whoop whoop!): Loves all things American especially food such as Kraft Macaroni Cheese, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, Mountain Dew, iced tea, real lemonade, Cheetos and American candy. Loves America and wants to go there on his own when he’s older to travel and to work. Games with American kids online and calls me ‘retarded’ when I suggest that he tell them he’s half American. Actually he calls me ‘retarded’ quite often these days, doesn’t really matter much what I say. I think that must be a teenager thing rather than a cultural thing. Loves to shop online with me for American food-stuffs and treats. Buys me stuff when he’s out and about and sees something that I will love like Cheetos or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Fields lots of questions from his friends such as ‘why do all Americans have guns?’ and ‘Is it true that Americans eat hamburgers everyday?’ Knows who George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are and what they did, the significance of Thanksgiving and the 4th of July and can’t wait to visit America again.

Bringing Up Brits

Expat Life with a Double Buggy

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/the-older-they-get-my-three-cross-cultural-kids/feed 8 Out with the old, in with the new – Goodbye BUB blog as we know it http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new-goodbye-bub-blog-as-we-know-it http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new-goodbye-bub-blog-as-we-know-it#comments Thu, 11 Dec 2014 08:03:52 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/blog/?p=6637 After much MUCH discussion with friends, family, readers and supporters of Bringing Up Brits blog, I have made a monumental decision. It will take some time for me to carry out the changes I plan on making to Bringing Up Brits blog so please bear with me on this. I have absolutely loved blogging about […]

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]]> After much MUCH discussion with friends, family, readers and supporters of Bringing Up Brits blog, I have made a monumental decision. It will take some time for me to carry out the changes I plan on making to Bringing Up Brits blog so please bear with me on this. I have absolutely loved blogging about life as an American expat living and raising a family in Britain and I’ve loved being a part of the blogging and expat community worldwide. I’ve also loved being a source of support and information to other parents and expats. I want to continue to do this, but it will be done slightly differently from now on….

In a way, my children are growing up along with this blog and as my husband says “it is a log of our family life that will be wonderful to reflect on in years to come”.

Another comment I got on FB said “I think the blog is valuable to a lot of people. Plus you have won awards – would be a shame to give it up! Why not cut down to once per week and exclude the kids? There is plenty other stuff to write about.”

If I exclude my kids, then I won’t feel inspired to write, as they are my inspiration for Bringing Up Brits the book and the blog.

To respond to this comment, “I can see how a great deal of the site’s charm and appeal will get lost without photos or personal stories featuring your awesome kiddos. Are you going to take down all past posts featuring them? Alas, all great things have to end, but I’m sure you have a lot more to give. Bringing up Brits has played its part, time for your next big exploration of another aspect of life as an expat, woman, American, Mum, entrepreneur… Or just Meg.”

No, I won’t take down anything I’ve written as it would be a shame to lose those life ‘recordings’.

I really and truly appreciate all the love and support for Bringing Up Brits blog. Thank you. Now we say goodbye to BUB blog as we know it. But it’s not goodbye altogether….

…here’s to expat life and ‘Bringing up Brits’ in 2015 and beyond!!

In the meantime, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas from Bringing Up Brits

Seychelles Mama
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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new-goodbye-bub-blog-as-we-know-it/feed 18 A little tea break http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/a-little-tea-break http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/a-little-tea-break#comments Tue, 15 Jul 2014 14:10:50 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/blog/?p=5911 As we approach our annual family holiday, now seems like a good time to break for tea (so say the English) and to regroup (so say the Americans). I will be sure to post if anything significant happens with my bid to become a British citizen or if I come across a guest post that […]

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]]> As we approach our annual family holiday, now seems like a good time to break for tea (so say the English) and to regroup (so say the Americans). I will be sure to post if anything significant happens with my bid to become a British citizen or if I come across a guest post that would be of interest.

Thanks so much for tuning in for so long, for all your comments and for inspiring me to write this blog and my book Bringing Up Brits.

Wherever you are – either at home or abroad, or living an expat life, I hope you have a wonderful summer and please keep in touch via Bringing Up Brits Facebook page and on Twitter. www.facebook.com/bringingupbrits / @bringingupbrits

And for those who don’t yet know (although I’m sure that by now you all probably do know) you will find me working all hours of the day and night running my company White Ochre Design. You can find me on Facebook, on Twitter @mummymeg and on Google+ Please keep in touch!

And, I’m always ALWAYS on the look out for new expat entrepreneurs to feature on my website that I run with my co-author Heidi Walker www.expatsinbiz.com Please take a look at our book Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs and our project for expats who run their own businesses all over the world and get in touch if you’d like to take part.

Jonah on Brighton beach

Anna Grace feeding the ducks

Sam with Grandpa

kids at victoria park

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Over the summer holidays, Jonah will be doing the library reading challenge, attending several days of holiday club, enjoying being at home ‘chillaxing’ and enjoying a day out at Alton Towers and hopefully Legoland and Chessington too.

Anna Grace will be reading, reading and reading with a bit of dancing and a few sleepovers in between family days out.

Sam is volunteering as a helper at the library over the summer and will also be reading, gaming, meeting up with friends, earning extra pocket money by babysitting and enjoying his birthday trip to Alton Towers.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/a-little-tea-break/feed 6 5 Things I Love About My Expat Life http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/5-things-i-love-about-my-expat-life http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/5-things-i-love-about-my-expat-life#comments Wed, 05 Mar 2014 06:17:19 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/blog/?p=4693 1. All the wonderful people I’ve met who I never would have met if I didn’t live abroad. 2. The fact that I’ve learned so much by living life as an expat and have truly lived a rich life with amazing and quirky experiences. 3. My children who are growing up British and my husband […]

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1. All the wonderful people I’ve met who I never would have met if I didn’t live abroad.

2. The fact that I’ve learned so much by living life as an expat and have truly lived a rich life with amazing and quirky experiences.

3. My children who are growing up British and my husband who swept me off my feet (literally) all those years ago.

4. My British in-laws, especially both my sisters-in-law and the friendship they’ve given me.

5. The fact that I’m still learning and seeing new things all the time. Such as British English expressions and idioms, visiting historic places, discovering (sometimes abruptly) new and different ways of doing things. I learn from my children, I’m always adapting and I love trying to do things the ‘British’ way even though at times I’m unsuccessful, it’s the journey that makes my expat life interesting.

This is a blog link up called “Celebrating Expat Life – Blog Link Up” and hopefully others around the world will also be posting the same thing (perhaps not the same answers though!). Thank you Amanda for this, it’s so much fun and I will try and do the others, but I might miss out a few!

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Meghan Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd.  And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/5-things-i-love-about-my-expat-life/feed 8 Smitten by Britain http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/smitten-by-britain http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/smitten-by-britain#comments Sun, 02 Feb 2014 09:21:48 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/blog/?p=4362 Do you know about Smitten By Britain? This is a fabulous blog for Britophiles and those who are living here from other countries, experiencing British culture first hand. For me, because all my children were born here and are growing up here, I’ve been completely immersed in the culture and way of doing things and […]

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]]> Do you know about Smitten By Britain? This is a fabulous blog for Britophiles and those who are living here from other countries, experiencing British culture first hand. For me, because all my children were born here and are growing up here, I’ve been completely immersed in the culture and way of doing things and also, in many ways I now share (or at least understand) the British psyche (I’ve become more paranoid and slightly more reserved for example). I also understand how things work and am less offended by British humour and sarcasm, for example. Although I’m still sometimes shocked by it! I’ve discovered that over the years, I’ve become more of a Britophile and even though there are still aspects of living here that I don’t like, there’s a lot about Britain that I’ve grown to love. Although it will never be my home country and I will always feel like a foreigner, there are probably more things that I like than dislike. And, for my children this is their home country, their birthplace and their culture.

Reading through some of the blog posts, in particular this one, on Smitten By Britain I’m struck by how much I’ve taken on board and have adapted in order to fit in here and do things the ‘right’ way so as not to cause problems or embarrass my children or piss off my husband. It makes me laugh to read some of the comments and observations of both Americans living in Britain AND British people living in the States. It kind of makes me feel like an expert and at the same time brings out the loneliness I’ve felt of living so far away from my own culture and also my family. That is sometimes still hard.

My daughter is becoming more aware of the difference in American and British culture and ways of doing things. She’s never shy with me and is more than happy to point out my mistakes or tell me that I’m being ‘too American’. I feel this will be a long suffering aspect for me with my children as they grow older and more savvy. Other parents have told me that happens to them with their children – they’re told they’re being too Polish or too Japanese or ‘that’s the Chinese way, not the British way’…. etc etc. We are not alone!

Take a look at Smitten by Britain. I’ve had a wonderful time reading through the expat life blog posts.

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Meghan Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd.  And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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]]> http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/smitten-by-britain/feed 4 It’s about time! http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/welcome-to-bringing-up-brits-expat-blog http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/welcome-to-bringing-up-brits-expat-blog#comments Sat, 17 Sep 2011 06:19:26 +0000 http://www.bringingupbrits.co.uk/blog/?p=1 So after years and years of living in England, having children, living and working as an American expat in Britain, I have finally started a blog about it all. I have wanted to do this ever since I had my first child in 2001 but I suppose life and work in general always got in […]

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]]> So after years and years of living in England, having children, living and working as an American expat in Britain, I have finally started a blog about it all. I have wanted to do this ever since I had my first child in 2001 but I suppose life and work in general always got in the way. Now, two more children and a book about raising them as British kids in Britain later, my expat mummy BLOG  is here!! Yippee. Now the challenge will be to see if I can actually keep it updated with new blog posts regularly.

My aim is for this to be a complement to the book Bringing Up Brits and also a place where I (and hopefully others too) can write about the everyday and long term challenges of living in a foreign country – making a home for a family in a foreign country, any frustrations I have, all my loves about living here and generally give insight into what it’s like being an American in Britain and raising children in a country not my own and one that I have no history in (pre-children).

There have been many driving forces behind this new blog – one of course has been my book, one has been the fact that I’ve been wanting to get on the blogging scene (as it’s huge!) for several years now but debating whether to do it as a mummy blog or something else (I guess this is the ‘something else’ but it’s also tied in with being a mum.. er or should I say mom… no, I guess it’s mum for me), and recently I came across a terrific site for expat women. Really, if you are an expat woman anywhere in the world, then take a look at this site. It has useful information, it looks great and features inspirational expat women around the world. http://www.ExpatWomen.com I contacted them and they said I could submit my expat blog to their directory. Very exciting… except that I hadn’t gotten around to creating one yet. So, here it is and it’s about time too.

There are other ways to keep updated with Bringing Up Brits – please like my FB page and follow me on Twitter. I will also do my best to follow you and like you if you are on those as well.

And if you want to find out more about the book Bringing Up Brits and about the author (me!) then please click the links in the menu bar above – About Bringing Up Brits and About the author

I think that’s a good starting point. Please post on this blog if you have an expat experience to share.

That’s all for now folks,

Meg

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