What I've learned from watching Downton Abbey

As we say farewell to Downton Abbey for forever (one small indirect spoiler for USA readership – Do not read further!), I reflect on all that it has taught me as a non British person living in Britain.

Downton Abbey

I’ve laughed, cried, guffawed and cheered with the Crawley family and their jolly servants and fell in love with Sybil, Tom, Matthew, Mrs Patmore and even Carson and Edith (poor Edith no more!). I have my sister-in-law to thank for introducing me to Downton Abbey a few seasons in but I caught up on them and then joined in for the final two. And now it’s over and my education has ended.

Here is what I’ve learned from Downton Abbey (a few of them tongue in cheek of course!):

Why British houses don’t have closets – they didn’t need them because they had people to bring in their clothes and then take them away again
Why British people love tea so much and that it’s essential to brew a whole pot when you want to “have a word” with someone
Why women wear hats at weddings
Why the Fat Controller wears a top hat
Where being indirect comes from “So, will we be seeing more of Mr. Gillingham?” AKA “Are you going to marry him?”
Why people care so much about the class system
Why people place so much importance on social etiquette – one mustn’t embarrass others by not having the appropriate set of tails
That black tie is less formal than white tie (I think??)
Why British people think all Americans are rich and vulgar
Why people call my boys Master ie., Master George (love this!)
The British have a deep respect for kindness and thoughtfulness
Why a good cup of tea makes you feel better and can solve all your problems
That posh people sound exactly the same no matter where you are in Britain
Why children are put to bed so early and not allowed to eat with the parents
That you’d better make sure your husband has a will or your inheritance might bypass you
How to do that thing when you smile or nod to show that you understand but don’t actually say anything out loud or directly to that person
How to do that knowing look to a stranger when their child is screaming or they are carrying too many heavy things, for example, to show your solidarity and understanding but you don’t actually say anything because if you did, you’d break the code of conduct and then all would be lost
When to stop speaking and to simply nod
That ‘we could do that‘ means ‘I’m never ever ever in a million years going to do that’
That ‘You’re very kind’ actually means ‘I love you and want to kiss you and have your babies’
Making snooty remarks and being mean to each other is totally acceptable behavior and really, if you don’t do that then you’re not being very friendly at all
You don’t have to be a princess to wear a tiara to dinner, you just have to be the daughter of an Earl
British formality still sometimes makes me do a double take, internally only of course
Still don’t understand the difference between a butler and footman!
Where eating with your fork upside down comes from
London was a very charming place – it still is

So, as I continue my study of the Life in The UK for my citizenship, I will never forget how Downton, in its own small way, contributes to my love of this country.

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits, co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs, co-founder and Director of Design and Web at Shake It Up Creative. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.

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