The chosen child
My parents adopted me when I was 8 months old. I came on a plane from Korea with 100 other Korean babies – all to be adopted by American parents. I rarely think about this or talk about this out loud. Probably because my parents are my parents and I don’t necessarily think of them as my ‘adoptive’ parents. They are my parents.
Last night I watched a movie called Philomena. It was the true story of an Irish born child taken from his mother and adopted by American parents. Philomena was the mother who had been looking for him her whole life and then 50 years later, with the help of a journalist, she found him. It was a touching story and a very good movie because the acting was superb and although I enjoyed watching it, I couldn’t help but turn my thoughts to the first 8 months of my babyhood and ask myself those questions I rarely ask myself. What happened to my birth mother? Why did she give me up? Or was I lied to and she didn’t give me up, rather, I was taken from her? But if that were the case, why did she never look for me?
Then I started to think about my own children. They are my only blood relatives in the whole wide world. When I was a child, knowing I was adopted and that adoption was positive, I always thought I might adopt children of my own. However, maybe subconsciously my desire to have my own bloodline and to have children that resembled me was so strong that it overrode the idea of adopting my own children.
Anyway, I always know that my parents chose me, that they wanted me. Even if, for whatever reason, my birth mother did not. I did search for her when I was in my 30s. Unfortunately nothing solid came from the search and it was pretty much a dead end. It will always remain a mystery to me.
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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.
It sounds like you have really lovely parents.
If we ever had the space at home I think we’d consider fostering at the very least. My line of work has shown me that everyone, every child needs to feel like someone chooses them.
Thanks Brittney, Yes they are wonderful 🙂 Hopefully coming to visit us this summer! Although they are shocked at how little time off school the kids have ://
Fostering can be even harder than adoption because they could be taken away from you at any time. In England adoption is much more difficult than in the States because it’s more common in the States. Fostering on the other hand is becoming more common here and is probably easier to do than adopting. But yes you are right, every child should feel chosen. When I was younger I used to say “my birth mother gave me up”. Now I say, “my mother chose me.” Feels much better!!
I got all teared up reading your post, Meghan, even though I knew your story –the facts, at least.
Every person’s story is different, and even though it’s great to know the whys and hows, sometimes it’s a lot more comforting to count our blessings and move on.
Your parents did a great job raising you, you are a lovely, kind, giving person. And love of choice is just a manifest of how wonderful humans can be, although we’re living in a world that tends to point out the negative sides of people.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, big hug. xxx
Thank you Caterina, I love what you said. Big hug to you too! xoxo
My son recently fell in love with a book called “Guji Guji”. It’s about a crocodile raised lovingly in a family of ducks. On the back cover, the author says his story was inspired by his Korean-American friend who was also adopted by American parents. It’s a sweet story and reminded me of you.
Hi Maggie, that sounds like a wonderful book – I’ll look it up and get it for my children. Thanks so much for posting about it and for thinking of me.
I found it here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Guji-Chen-Chih-Yuan/dp/187746743X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398313749&sr=8-1&keywords=Guji+Guji
For those who would also like to get this for their children. I can’t wait to read it to mine 🙂 It has good reviews too! Thanks again Maggie.
Hi Meghan, I got goosebumps reading this, such a moving story. I don’t think I ever really thought about the implications of how it must feel to be adopted until I had my own children. Great to discover your blog and hope to see you soon. (I work for BNBS and have only just realised you have a blog!) xxx
Thank you Jude. It’s not something I think about all the time, but there are certain ‘triggers’. That sounds like I have PTSD or something. I don’t! Hope you know what I mean by it 🙂 Great to connect. Did we meet briefly at the BNBS dinner?