Where is your mother from?

Had an enlightening conversation with my girl the other day about what she says when people ask her where her mother is from and then, in turn, what she is. She tells me she has a hard time answering and worries that she confuses people. I feel bad for her because I know what that’s like. Same as when people ask me ‘Where are you from?’ A question so simple which many people can answer with one word very quickly and many other people find it difficult to answer and it ends up taking ages to answer and then the question is never really answered in the end.

I think for my daughter, race comes into it a lot more than when people ask me because I don’t immediately offer it up as one of my answers. And most people are too polite to ask. Some people on the other hand are rude and tell me I’m Chinese (even after I reply that I’m not). But that doesn’t happen very often any more. For my daughter it does though. Many of her classmates assume she’s Chinese and some ask her outright. Or they ask her if her mother is Chinese.

I tried explaining to her that she can say that she’s half British and half American and that that should be enough. I knew in my heart and from experience that that is never enough though. And, as I expected, she wasn’t satisfied with that. Why should she have to say anything other than that? If she says her mother is Korean then people assume her mother grew up in Korea and can speak Korean and is Korean. If she says her mother is American, they look at her funny and ask where she’s really from. She says when she tries to explain she gets confused herself and then never knows what to say and how to say it. Gosh, it’s like being me all over again when I was 11 years old!

So this is what I said she could say but that it was up to her in the end what she wanted to say so long as it was accurate. “My mother was born in Korea and grew up in America and is American. My father is British so I am half British and half American.” That’s it. Simple. Simple? Hmmmm. I think for my daughter this is difficult because she feels more British than American and is also dealing with body image and where she fits in amongst her peers and being mixed race sometimes comes into this.

I came across a very interesting book called Choosing Ethnicity, Negotiating Race  – Korean Adoptees in America.

sixty-one adult Korean adoptees—representing different genders, social classes, and communities—reflect on early childhood, young adulthood, their current lives, and how they experience others’ perceptions of them.

I look forward to reading it as it might supply me with some ideas or stock phrases that I can use and tell my daughter to use as well.

I feel like I should have been interviewed for this book!

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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits and co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs with Heidi Mulligan Walker. Meghan is also the Director and Chief Designer at her own design company, White Ochre Design Ltd. And, she is an award winning expat blogger.