Are my children 100% British?
It was my hope that as my children grew older, they would gradually become more ‘American’ in the sense that they would understand where I come from and how I grew up (through talking and learning) and therefore feel proud to be part American and also feel an affinity, if only in a small way, to Americans and American culture.
Sadly for me, this is not really the case. My two oldest are ages 11 and a half and 9 and a half and despite our weekly American history lessons and the fact that I am very open about being American and we often talk about life in America, they see it as being a foreign place and don’t really feel American in the way I had hoped. Perhaps they are still too young? Perhaps they do feel it more than I think but do not communicate this with me?
They understand the logistics of it all – they are half American because I am and their father is British. The way they talk about it is from a British perspective. They often make fun of my accent and mimick me. My son does this in a derisive way and my daughter less so (thank goodness), and they talk about Americans in the way that British people do. I suppose they get this from their friends mostly. For example, all Americans are fat and loud and America is a crazy place with guns and insane people. (This makes me laugh!) But seriously, this is not what I want to instill in them. Perhaps I am trying too hard? But if I don’t try enough, then they won’t have the opportunity to understand and learn about a country and a culture that is so much a part of them.
My son said to me the other day, “Mum, did you know that America is the most powerful country in the world?” Hmmm. Sometimes I think they forget I am actually American. Everything they see is from a British perspecitve.
I devote a chapter to this in Bringing Up Brits. It is something I struggle with and can only hope that when they are adults, all my hard work will have paid off and they will be open and accepting of American culture and also feel proud to be half American.
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Interesting comments Meghan. Today my son came home saying that some teacher had sought him out because he is ‘foreign’. I still haven’t understood who this teacher was and whether her main intention was to point out that he may be able to study GCSE Italian (in the future). I haven’t interrogated them on whether they see themselves as British (as they are by descent), but with one born in Italy and one born in Australia there are three countries they may have affinity for (at least that is what my husband and I hope for). I’m getting my accent noticed as well (mostly in a fairly positive way, I’ll have to say). Plus not everyone comments, which I think is even nicer.
Thanks Cathy, I think perhaps the Australian accent is more accepted here. People tend to have a somewhat negative view of Americans (in general) where as that might not be the case with Australians. People normally only comment on my accent if they have something nice to say about it or if they are interested in where I come from – that is very nice. I do get some quizzical looks from people regarding my accent though. But it’s mostly only my children who actually make fun of it!
Was your son annoyed about being singled out for being foreign or did he not mind? As long as it was done in a positive way, then it wouldn’t bother me. But maybe find out why she singled it him out.
This is as well an issue I have. My kids have 2 nationalities, but none of them is british. But they do feel them selfs british as they have lived here since they are 1 and 3 years old. So when I had to fill out the census last year I filled out by identity ‘British’.
Because they go to saturday language school, it helps them to build as well the identity of one of their paspoorts. For the other nationality we try to support them as much as possible as well. And I do have the feeling they do feel proud on their 2 nationalities in a similar way as their British identity!
The only thing I wonder is what they will answer when they are asked where are you from?
Hi Marie, thanks for your comments. Do you bring them up bilingually? Perhaps that helps them to feel proud of their nationality. It’s interesting that you chose British in the census – do you hold a British passport? Good question and I’d love to know what they say! When mine are asked that (when we visit America), they reply ‘England’ and I cannot help but feel proud of them. I want them to feel proud to be British too as that is their heritage and where they come from and their father is British.
Meg, I empathise. I have the same issues but the other way around.
British children in America. AZ.
My eldest has a similar attitude as your children, his perspective being American, but at times he will stick up for the Brits eg when he was told “America saves the world, the English are cowards!” – I realise kids are kids anywhere in the world and often shun what is different.
Meanwhile I’ve had to discuss with a preschool teacher on why I’d prefer my youngest not to be encouraged to say the pledge of Allegiance. (AZ isn’t really diversive 😉
It was interesting to read the above. Thank you.
Hi Emma, thanks for your comment. Ooooh how interesting – what was the teacher’s reaction? I didn’t realise that kids still do that in American schools. I remember only too well doing that every day when I was a child! Yes, I agree with you, kids don’t always understand that different can be good. Last week, my daughter came home and told me a few girls in her class said that they hate Americans. She was hurt by this. The girls probably did not know that she is half American so were not trying to be cruel to her, but it is not a nice thing to say.
Well, for preschool, I will take a step back.
Last class year I saw in the newsletter the teacher at the time was very proud all the children knew their Pledges they had been practicing.
So, I politely suggested it would have been nice to have been informed beforehand. He is a resident not citizen. The teacher was very sweet and pink faced 🙂
Then this year he became very upset that he had the idea he must sit at a separate table for not saying it. I contacted his now teacher who said she understood but would teach him hand over heart. I am in the process of thinking about this.
It sounds a parallel world with your daughter. My 9 year old when we moved here came home in almost tears. A few boys had said if he doesn’t say the Pledge this means he hates Americans and so in turn they will hate him! – I have always gone out of my way to explain there are lots of things we/children don’t know about others, and often people will fear what they don’t know, but we can teach them, it’s ok to have differences because at the end of the day we are all human, which makes us one of the same 🙂
I am really interested in hearing experiences the other way around!
I believe not all schools do the Pledge, it varies from State to State.
It is very noticeable though the differences in attitudes between people who come from other parts of America to AZ. More of a contrast than say within the UK. 🙂
Hi Emma,
what I have found here is that the schools are very open and tolerant. They have strict anti-bullying policies and hurtful words and actions are dealt with immediately. I told my daughter’s teacher and head teacher about what was said and they wanted to take direct action. My daughter would not tell us the names of the children (maybe because she didn’t want to get them in trouble?) so no direct action could be taken. They did ensure they would remind children to be kind and thoughtful to everyone at all times. I was encouraged by their quick and thorough responses though and feel that if anything should happen again, that I could go to them and the situation would be dealt with. It’s never been a huge problem. I’d say the race issue has the potential to be more problematic, but so far, it’s been OK for all my children.
I’m really pleased to hear you have found schools open and tolerant. I know in my eldests school before we moved they had an anti bullying week every start of the new year with activities etc.
There are anti bullying policies here too, and a few months ago a college student decided to do a project because she felt the school district didn’t take bullying seriously, so good for her she researched and presented to them and I hope they pay attention.
My son goes to a very good school by local standards, but last year the Principal left. Not one parent got a reason why! My brain is thinking I can’t imagine that at our last school. Then the paper covered people within basically kicking him
out, he was successful in suing.
On a more cheery note, apart from the cost of uniforms do you enjoy not having to buy elementary children pencils, paper, glue etc? My face must have been a picture when I was presented with a list of these things to provide, “taxes in the UK pay for this!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t help it!
Does your school do field trips too? My son was sad because he knew last year his peers back in the Uk school did a residential trip for a week, and though he was told in the first year here a school trip would happen it did not.
I think insurance is a big factor in what they do or don’t, I not 100% sure.
The cost of uniforms at first schools (elementary) are not that expensive. You have to buy the school sweatshirt (jumper) with the school emblem from the school at full price, but then you can buy everything else at Wallmart type stores. Very cheap. Even school shoes can be inexpensive. I can never remember that I don’t need to buy them all the school supplies like I had when I was a child in US schools! I tend to over buy stuff for them. I wonder what the schools must think! But no, we don’t get a list of things to buy for them, nor do they have summer reading lists (at least not yet) however they do have field trips. They don’t call them field trips, they are called school visits or residentials. The residentials are the over night trips and can be quite expensive. The kids love them though.
I’ve heard mixed feelings about the uniforms from other expat parents. Some like them and some are really against them. For me, it makes the morning routine much easier and it cuts down on laundry (which is essential because we don’t have a dryer) and it also cuts down on the amount of money I spend on clothes in general for them. If you only have one child, then I suppose it doesn’t matter much and I can see the argument against them. But for me, with 3 children, I prefer school uniforms!!
I miss the school uniform, but am glad there are no what is cool or not cool requests for clothing, yet!
The dryer made me smile. We don’t have a dryer either and many people seem impressed I don’t. How do I dry my clothes, since it is against HOA rules to display clothing outside to dry, well I use my clothes horses (line) I brought with us! I’m sure they must think I’m crazy, :-). It’s really fun/interesting thinking about things the other way around. This is my 4th country of being a Home and of all places this gave the most challenges! I can assure you, you’re not missing out on not seeing all the election commercials though!! 🙂