Racism for us happened long before Brexit
So this happened during transfer day. In my girl’s form group at high school the new kids did a bingo game that consisted of answering questions/inputting info and to answer those questions/find the info they had to find stuff or ask the current high schoolers questions. One of the tasks was to find someone who was born outside the UK. They all thought my girl was born outside the UK! They all asked her. Every one of them. She was born in the UK and they were surprised when she told them. Turns out there was one person born outside the UK, a student born in Poland, but nobody asked her if she was born outside the UK. Typical. And I knew exactly how my daughter felt. It’s an odd feeling, a mix between humiliation, confusion, amusement and betrayal.
Humiliation at being asked (feels like accused) of something that is untrue.
Confusion over why people would assume this.
Amusement at how blatantly racist this is (knowing that they are probably not racists at all).
Betrayal because fellow countrymen questioned your birthright.
I have a vivid memory of my high school history teacher assuming I was from China during a geography lesson and how humiliated I was when he asked me to confirm something about Chinese borders. One kid asked a question that was not answered in our text book and the teacher (the football coach) asked me to enlighten the class. I just shrugged, then hid crying in the bathroom. That was back in the 1980s and I’m sure no teacher would be that stupid nowadays. Although, my son’s French teacher did assume I was from Indonesia (??) just last year. But at least I wasn’t a student and said teacher is no longer at their school.
We talked about what happened and she said she felt OK about it and we laughed and joked. But we also reflected on how people don’t understand some things and probably never will and because of this, act in a prejudiced way that is hurtful to others without meaning to be. I don’t mind people asking me questions and wanting to know about my background, my racial make-up. But it does annoy the hell out of me when people just assume. The worst is when people are arrogant, ignorant and disrespectful about it. When they shout out “ni hao” or “ching chong chang” when I walk past them (yes, this still happens!) I feel it’s something I’ve passed down to my children and can’t help feeling sad for them because of it. There is nothing I can do to prevent anything like this or worse happening to them at any given point in time during their lives as kids or as adults. So what do I do?
My ethnic background has always been a private thing for me and I don’t generally talk about it very much because it’s difficult to describe the emotions surrounding it. But I do know that it’s inherent in my children and is a part of their lives too, and as children, they need help, guidance and to be able to share their experiences whether seeking comfort, answers or simply to talk about it with someone who understands.
My daughter is strong-willed, confident and sure of herself. She’s talented, intelligent and thoughtful. Perhaps I was more upset by what happened than she was. Perhaps she understands all this better than I do. Perhaps not. Perhaps it’s because of Brexit that the teachers included that question on the Bingo game. But racism for us, no matter how unintentional, existed long before Brexit. And now I have no idea how to end this blog post because it is one of those things that is never resolved!
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Meghan Peterson Fenn is the author of Bringing Up Brits, co-author of Inspiring Global Entrepreneurs, co-founder and Director of Design and Web at Shake It Up Creative. And, she is an award winning expat blogger and mother of three.
Hi Meg.
Here we go again, having made it to a full circle. Unfortunately, discrimination in the UK transcends racism. It goes deeper than appearances and assumptions. It can be fully-conscious, intentional, punishing. When I moved to the UK five years ago, having lived in the US for 7, I was shocked at the discrimination I suddenly felt everywhere I went. As a student in the US I had gotten the occasional “Where is Bulgaria?” or “Did you celebrate Christmas growing up?”, but in the UK, innocent ignorance wasn’t the issue any longer. The Brits know where Bulgaria is and everyone has some notion about what life there is like. They know that Bulgaria is one of the poorest members of the EU. Immediately, upon hearing where I was born, the faces of the people who had asked the question – whether in what seemed a friendly chat or a job interview – changed dramatically. There was that invariable disappointment, the unmistakable chill in their tone of voice, a sudden and perceptible loss of interest. In a class-obssessed society, you don’t want to waste your time talking to someone from the lower classes, someone who grew up poor. This is what Brexit was partly about, too: stopping the influx of people who come from the poorest EU countries, since it has been assumed that we compete with the British working class, taking what was theirs by default. I am extremely fortunate that after three years of applying for jobs every day and getting cut off after the first interviews, I finally work according to my American MBA and experience, for a Canadian boss and amongst a majority of foreign colleagues. But what can I expect for my British-born son who has a Bulgarian last name?
Thanks Elitsa for sharing your experience. I am saddened to hear this. You are an amazing person to have overcome this discrimination – especially when it comes to your career – and I’m so glad that your working environment is international. I do remember you mentioning a difference between the US and the UK in relation to this but I hadn’t realized it was so severe. Have your children also experienced discrimination in school because of their last name?
I second Elitsa’s view. I came to the UK at 19 to study journalism and 10 years later I find myself working in project management due to what I must call a severe toning down of my personality, character and shift of skills to more technical to get ahead in life. Very quickly I realised that my Polish nationality won’t get me very far in the media field – where one’s class background, overall image and ego seem to overshadow any actual skill in terms of writing or reporting. I’m talking about being dismissed in a manner described by Elitsa just because you have a hint of a foreign accent. Of course if your skin is thick enough you may just push through against the constant cold-shoulder from your immediate environment. They are legally obliged not to discriminate you, but trust me, in a very typical British fashion they will do all they can in their passive-aggressive ways to ensure you don’t feel welcomed. Even in my current career where I and my team heavily rely on my technical knowledge, I still often feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel like I can fully express myself to my colleagues because every move is under scrutiny and judged – as to decide which category of a foreigner do I now fall into, with my strong German surname and a well paid job, yet being a Pole.
Although on the other hand, but perhaps understandably, I’ve grown to dislike Brits for their boring pointless conversations without any depth, poor sense of humour and lax and loose interpersonal relationships inclusive of constant flakiness, never telling it how it is and just being overall fake in all areas of life…
Hi Karina,
thanks for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry it hasn’t been the experience you had envisaged for yourself. As for not fully being able to express yourself to your colleagues, you should just go for it! They will love you for it. Honestly, I’ve come across and befriended some of the (initially) most reserved, British, conservative and ‘cold fish’ people and now, having seen another side to them, really love them and they love the fact that I’m different and sometimes come out with odd sayings or actions. Once you get over the initial barriers with people, the British are some of the warmest, funniest, loving people I’ve ever met. And I’ve lived abroad in other countries too and travelled a lot. Keep your mind open and don’t be afraid to show your true personality. All the best and thanks again for posting on here. I do hope it gets better for you.